Doomed if you Do. Doomed if you Don’t.

 

My first impulse when I saw an image of a Pastor using Doom (an insecticide) to cure his congregants or believers of various ailments, was to laugh. I mean the whole thing was ridiculous, it was unbelievable, it was shocking, it was all manner of things which made it both disturbing and funny for me. But I also had a personal reason for laughing because for me, the spread of doom into churches and timelines on social media networks mirrored an internal private struggle. So laughing  was a guilty pleasure. I know, it’s not funny.
You see my parents are obsessed with cleanliness, a trait which I’m sure is shared by most South African black parents. They hate germs with a passion and everything which could be associated with them including flies. Years ago we experienced plumbing problems at home which attracted all sorts of them. My parents often paired up in the fight against these pesty flies. They had special dish cloths for them and they would walk around the house hitting them and killing them, most times with impressive success. My father proved to be a great marks-man which delighted my mother to no end. She would call on him and say La, short for Love, there’s a fly in the room. He would walk in asking where? On her instructions he would search for it armed with his weapon of choice and strike it, dead on the floor. My mother who was sometimes not so successful  at annihilating the persistent pests would call on the name of Jesus to help her kill these flies when her marks-man was not around to assist. Generally there would be no rest until the flies were dead, swept up and thrown into the bin.
One year I decided to go home for Christmas armed with a new cook book by Jamie Oliver. My aim; to single-handedly cook Christmas lunch on my own for my family using Jamie’s’ recipes of course. It was an ambitious feat for I was generally accepted to be the worst cook in the family. When I arrived home I found that my parents had upgraded their weapons against these flies which had remained persistent despite the plumbing problem being resolved.
They found a more efficient way to kill them with  a spray, theirs was a brand called Target and not Doom. Still we call all sprays against insects and flies – doom, in the same way we call all non-alcoholic fizzy drinks, coke. Their doom, called Target,  was odourless and promised to kill them instantly. With their new spray my parents would wage biological war fare against these flies, and they didn’t have to be many, just one was enough to bring out an arsenal of weaponry.
All this time I found my parents’ obsession with these flies amusing, it was often humorous to see them trying to kill one. Until my father asked for doom while we were sitting at the table about to eat a Christmas meal (a meal, they confessed years later was inedible) which I had spent all morning preparing. He then proceeded to spray a  fly which was hovering over the table. The food was not covered and he just sprayed at the fly over the food. I caught myself afterward, Dad! I screamed – you’re spraying poison  over our food!  I was shocked, I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t make sense to me. I was so angry it took a while to recover from that scene. It was no longer funny. We were going to eat food laced with poisonous insecticide. Even though it was not as harmful to humans, the idea of doom in my food was as frightening to me as  flies with germs were to my parents. Cover the table, he said, but it was already too late. I suppose he wasn’t thinking then about the food that we were about to eat.  He was more  focused on the invisible germs the fly must have been spreading all over the food.
Today  Doom is being used  indiscriminately everywhere including the kitchen. We have to keep all doors and windows closed so that the flies don’t come into the house especially when we are cooking meat. Target is always on hand the second a fly is spotted anywhere in the house.
Sometimes the smell of Doom is like air-freshener at home. It is no longer odourless. Even though I have tried to speak to my parents about their method of mass destruction over the years, it’s a hard one to sell. Nobody likes or enjoys having flies around. Including me.
A moment of silence came one day when my father was standing outside and there was a fly milling about, he went into the house to fetch his weapon and doomed it against the open air.  My brother in-law who was there with his wife asked for the sake of sanity. Did I just see that? His wife confirmed to him that he was still very sane. Nothing was wrong with his eyes.  Yes you did,  she responded.
And so when I saw this picture I couldn’t help but laugh, because as ridiculous as it may seem to everyone, it makes sense.
You see, my parents’ hatred of flies is not only based on scientific fact that they spread germs and are annoying, but also on biblical verses in which God says in Genesis, that man shall have dominion over animals which includes pests like flies, ants, cockroaches and so forth. In Psalm 91 God offers his protection against all pestilences (flies) and plagues.
So it stands to reason that in the evangelical, Judaeo-Christian belief systems that Doom could be a cure too. Stay with me.

Demons  (which are responsible for every human suffering  including poverty and disease) are like flies: persistent, annoying and full of germs. Tolerating one is like opening the floodgates to an endless legion of more. You must be vigilant against them. Even though the doom incident could be seen as a very literal interpretation of scripture, no one can say the Pastor did not hear from God, and the power of God is in everything, of course. No one  disputes this. I decided not to share this news of a Pastor using Doom as a cure for his  congregants with my parents because I didn’t know how they would react.

So I remained silent until  one day while with my mother in her dressing room, I saw a can of doom on one of the shelves and I just couldn’t help myself. Have you heard the news? I asked her. What news she said. The power of doom has spread across the nation, I said jokingly. What do you mean, my mother asked. Well, there’s a Pastor who is using doom to protect his congregants against demons and pestilences, to cure various illnesses. He says God spoke to him about it.  I laughed a little and said  you and dad were on to something.  But from the look she gave me I knew that it was simply too soon, to laugh.

Let’s try again next year!

 

 

Mamma Mia! Here I go again….

The Band That Got My Mother and I Dancing

ABBA is on my mind. I’ve stopped being surprised.  It’s a group both my Mother and I loved with equal passion. I remember those days, sometimes it would be just the two of us, coming from gym or something. Dreaming  together we would sit and listen, dance, sing together.  We had fun.   Now I think I understand a little of what my mother must have been feeling when she would sing to me with a huge smile, eyes closed, as if wanting to capture and hold that moment in time forever while I danced with Abandon….

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, diggin’ the dancing queen

You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on
Leave them burning and then you’re gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You’re in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance

You are the dancing Queen, young and free only Seventeen….

You can dance, you can fly-high having the time  of your life…

oooh see that girl, what that scene digging the  dancing queen.

There was something in the air that night

The stars were bright, fernando

They were shining there for you and me

For liberty, fernando

Though I never thought that we could lose

There’s no regret

If I had to do the same again

I would, my friend, fernando

And now…..

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line

Honey I’m still free

Take a chance on me

If you need me, let me know, gonna be around

If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down

If you’re all alone, when the pretty birds have flown

Hone y I’m still free

Take a chance on me…

I’m gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie

If you put me to the test, if you let me try….

We can go dancing; we can go walking, as long as we’re together

Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better

Cos you know I’ve got  so much I want to do, When I dream I’m alone with you its magic

You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair

But I think you know…

That I can’t let go…

You’ve heard me say smoking was my only vice

But now it isn’t true

I still don’t know what you’ve done to me

A grown-up woman should not fall so easily

I feel a kind of fear when I don’t have you near

I unsatisfied, I skip my pride

Knowing me knowing you, a-ha

There is nothing we can do,

knowing me knowing you, a-ha

We just have to face it

This time  we’re through

Breaking up is never easy I know but I have to go

Knowing me, knowing you

It’s the best I can do.

Mammia! Here Igo again, My my how can I resist you

Mamma mia, does it show again?

My my just how much I’ve missed you?

Yes I’ve been broken-hearted,

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, Now I really know

My my I could never  let you go.

…………………………………………………………

Art- ABOUT- Town

If ABBA is not your thing  and you feel like  a local brew of rhythmic beats and some comic relief. If you’re not out toi-toi-ing with  striking farm-workers in the Western Cape, or striking underpaid miners across the country,  of newly homeless folk in Lenasia and everywhere, if the new e-tolling tariffs and  electricity price hikes that will be introduced  in a matter of time – will make no difference to your life… then why not do yourself a favour and go support some artists at the market theater….

Comedy & Music Extravaganza

The Market Theatre and Metro FM present Comedy & Music Extravaganza
The Market Theatre has joined forces with Metro FM for this year’s festive season with a series of unmissable live performances by combining some of South Africa’s music and comedy icons.
The Market Theatre will set the stage alight in Jozi with a super-star line-up of leading performers. Music superstars such as Lira, Thandiswa Mazwai, Zahara, Oliver Mtukudzi, Trompies, Rebecca Malope and many more will entertain Mzansi audiences during a four-week period.
Comedy heavy weights – Mark Banks, Alan Committie, Siv Ngesi, Eugene Khoza, Trevor Gumbi and Tumi Morake are guaranteed to deliver side-splitting humor that will leave you begging for more with their take on the state of the nation. The Festival of Classical Music boasts some of South Africa’s finest classical performers from internationally renowned Opera Africa, Soweto Quadro and Inferno Opera. This will leave the audiences enthralled by some angelic, breakthrough opera, never experienced before at the Market stages.
What makes the Market Theatre performances so exciting is the venue’s intimacy. Get up close and personal with the artists. It promises an experience that Gautengers will enjoy without having to break the bank!
The Market Theatre is the place to be from 13 November to 09 December 2012.

R200 Rands get you in.